meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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