I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
