Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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