Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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