i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I believe in your delicious
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
