Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
