At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
