He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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