I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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