Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize