I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
