Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
