I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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