FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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