You smell like stripper and shame
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
