i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize