Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
