i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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