I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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