Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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