I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
