I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
