Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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