Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
