It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
COCAINE IS GR8
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