The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize