You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
