Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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