yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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