I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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