There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I could fuck to npr.
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