It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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