What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
