I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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