I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
