i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
