I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
