summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
