you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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