Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
