...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
