I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
