The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Panties = found
Randomize
