I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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