i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize