We won't sleep together?
Say something about gay babies.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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