My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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