tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
