marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
