The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Last time i carry you out of a forest
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
