What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
