porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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