I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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