Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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