she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
