I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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