I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
