hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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