So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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