dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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