his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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