I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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