Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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