My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize