So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
