with your own penis?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
