You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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