omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
