Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
