saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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