It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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