scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
