I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
