..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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