i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My dick has a subreddit
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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