I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
