I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
