I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
