the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
