dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
