Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
