Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
honey bunches of taint.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
