But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The Olympian is in my bed
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
